fields
there is excitement in stumbling
I have reached the midpoint. three weddings down, three more to go this year. I began writing this whilst flying back from angola (where the third wedding took place), it's vibrant culture and hospitable natives something I intend to delve into further in a future post.
Prior to it all I would've told you that I am content in my singlehood, which I still believe to be the case. However, I sense a shift in outlook as of late.
Out of these six weddings I have the honour of being a groomsman five times. I do not intend to brag, but simply demonstrate that I am even more emotionally invested because there is duty, trust and camaraderie that comes from being depended upon which I cherish. I value all five of these men who have wanted me by their side, the history we each have part of what has shaped me into becoming who I am today.
And to see them find their person and cast aside fears of rejection in the hope of gaining something so much greater is a triumphant tale that shall always rouse jubilant emotions within me.
I have grown more fond of the personal vows with each ceremony that I witness. Because I find in those moments the true extent of the bride and groom's love is on display for all to see. Whilst I am yet to shed a tear lol (I came close once) I have had the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on multiple occasions, which I attribute towards how these moments imprinted something upon me.
Seeing someone be known, understood, accepted, fought for through adversity, sacrifices made along the way, all in the name of love is something quite special. These vows truly are personal: they are unique to each couple, for it is their past, present and future that ultimately brings forth these declarations and promises that both individuals wholeheartedly mean.
It is impossible for me to partake in all this celebration of love and remain the same person I was before. It leads me to questions of my own desires and dreams, searching for reasons of why I would marry.
my sis said "ooo bachelor" when reading the last sentence lol
I also find it intriguing how it is in the most unexpected moments that I am compelled. I liken myself to the man that stumbles across hidden treasure. Something so valuable that he knew he must have it. Others may operate like merchants looking for fine pearls, upon discovery selling everything they can in order to obtain them. That is not my default, however this is not beneath me: one day I may experience another shift in outlook.
To the buried treasures discovered that ultimately never became mine, it does not make them any less valuable, nor does it make my discovery a mistake or regret. The journey is rife with lessons learnt about myself and love that I may never have learnt without it.
I also think that marriage should not be held on a pedestal as the ultimate end goal. Godliness with contentment is great gain. There is much more love outside of romantic nature that adds to life the way I believe we have been designed to experience it. But as a friend has engraved on the back of her iPad:
“Man muss das Unmögliche versuchen,
um das Mögliche zu erreichen”
for those too lazy to translate:
“You have to try the Impossible,
to achieve the Possible”
As you could probably guess this is my favourite of yours so far mate. All your work has been phenomenal