invest
call it a new year's resolution if you want lol
I feel called and beckoned everywhere yet compelled to be nowhere at the same time. A peculiar yet familiar feeling. Plenty of action with no real purpose except to fill time with something in the hope it provides meaning. Yet knowing it doesn’t since I’ve been down this road before.
I find compulsion to write which is comforting. The voice I drowned out returns whilst I chase slumber. How convenient.
Other voices draft up messages to send, remind me of pending tasks, recall abstract memories from another voice’s train of thought. All in some sycophantic dissonance each demanding equal acknowledgement.
A restlessness I may never cease to marvel over whenever it visits me, its product one I may cherish or loathe.
In younger years I would be sent into delirium, begging God to let me sleep, to lift this curse that I deserve yet wished I didn’t have to endure. If I fought harder against the current then I would win, right?
The waves must be embraced. One cannot blame the moon for existing, nor rebuke the seas for their obedience. It is just as foolish to attempt to make bread from lemons.
Happy new year. I want to take more risks. I want to say “no” more, because inadvertently I would in turn be saying yes to so much more. I want to look back on 2026 and see truths spoken despite the hurt they may cause instead of a myriad of unfulfilled promises paying dividends in pain.
One of my biggest mistakes last year was giving too much of myself away and hoping it would somehow return. I forgot that I had limitations, that my goals and ambitions would remain as that if I didn’t prioritise them.
One of my biggest achievements last year was starting this blog, providing a place for words that used to fill forgotten notebooks over the years. A voice I have seen grow in identity and confidence with each post.
Amidst everything life has thrown at me I have rediscovered my safe space, and I believe it should be of utmost importance for anyone reading this to do the same. Maybe one comes to mind easily. Maybe even multiple. Maybe none at all…
You will be constantly robbed of peace and stability if you are not vigilant in your endeavour for it, at least in my own personal experience.
May your year ahead be one of awareness, purpose and surrender, as I hope and intend mine to be also.